Coming Soon

Ken’s talk from Thailand coming soon…didn’t end up having time to write it all with family in town but check back soon!

Thanks.

The Scales Fall Off

Do know that moment when your ears finally pop and you can hear clearly again? Or that moment your hazy contacts are wiped clean and you can see again? It is a beautiful moment, like all is restored and things are made right again. 

I had one of those moments a few days ago after three days of being as sick as I can remember in a long time. I just got back from Thailand and apparently something came with me because I wore quite a trail from my bed to the bathroom over those 72 hours. I was not quite in constant pain or violently ill but experienced a lot of discomfort those few days. And if you’re like me, when you are sick you just don’t feel like yourself.

For example, my love language (if you believe in such things) is physical touch. I’m a hugger. I like just having Jenny near me even when we’re not talking. It is reassuring. I’m also an extrovert…and a severe one. I don’t like to be alone for very long. As I think about it those two things make a lot of sense together, wanting people around and physical contact. I long for those things…except when I’m sick.

Jenny was shocked when I would say, “Can you move over, you’re too warm” or “I don’t feel like being touched right now”. She would say that is how she knew I wasn’t feeling right. I kept wanting to spend time by myself in bed, too, without commotion or other people being around. I didn’t want activity and I didn’t want to be bothered. The interesting thing is that I didn’t really make this connection until I felt better.

As my stomach started feeling better and my appetite returned, so did my energy. I woke up on day 4 and felt great. I was up and about, wanted to wrap Jenny up and kiss her, wanted to talk. I was even up for wrestling with Brinks, our black lab. And I had a moment in our hallway as I was following Jenny around the house (making up for lost time not being with people!)…it hit me like a ton of bricks after those few days of fog…I felt like myself again . It was almost like experiencing my personality again after feeling numb and hazy for so long.

But it wasn’t just that I felt like myself. It was a connection God made in my heart. I realized that this was exactly what we experience in our earthly bodies, riddled with the sickness of sin. We don’t know what it really means to be well, whole, and “ourselves” in this life because we are in the fog of our sinful flesh. And it will be a glorious day to finally step into our real bodies, real selves.

This is similar to what I wrote about in December…I guess God keeps bringing that back in front of me. But this was such a powerful picture for me. We rarely get that glimpse or what life untainted by sin must be like, but maybe it is like having your ears pop, or no longer feeling sick but like yourself. Or like scales falling from your eyes, seeing for the first time. I don’t know. But if feeling like myself after a few days of sickness felt so exhilarating and joyful, how incredible will it be to live without the stain of sin!

Come, Lord Jesus, come!

Do I Know Who I Am?

When you think of who you are as a person, what comes to mind?

For most of us it might be how we would describe ourselves to others…funny, friendly, follower of Christ, work in campus ministry, enjoy sports, husband to an incredible wife, son of godly parents, athletic, intelligent…the list could go on. It is usually the things we do, our personality traits, who we are in relationship to others.

Often times (at least for me), what comes to mind, how we really see ourselves, is through the lens of our weaknesses and failures…in our sin. We hear the “tapes”, as a friend put it, that run through our heads and say things like, “You’re just not reliable” or “People think you work hard, but the real you is lazy” or “You’re not a good enough parent”. It could be dozens of things.

The hard thing about any of Satan’s lies, which is what they are, is that there is an element of truth. I really can be lazy. I do let people down. I won’t be a perfect parent or son or ____. I am usually not very organized. I think of myself above others most of the time. I don’t love God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength.

Those things are all true.

But they are not who I am.

Possibly the most amazing truth in Scripture is that Christ’s life is now my own. My identity is wrapped up in Him. I have been joined to Christ and God now sees me through Him. That is who I am.

Paul says it like this in Colossians 3:
³For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God.
⁴When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory. (NASB)

THIS is the real me. The real us. Our greatest reality is not what we see or experience in our earthly existence, but what Christ has purchased for us, who He has made us to be. We may be walking around in bodies of flesh, but the truth is we have already died. Our life is not here, it is with Christ, who is in heaven, at the right hand of God.

I love how it is put in The Message Version:
^3-4Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life—even though invisible to spectators—is with Christ in God. He is your life. When Christ (your real life, remember) shows up again on this earth, you’ll show up, too—the real you, the glorious you. Meanwhile, be content with obscurity, like Christ.

This means, that in a very real sense, in fact, the MOST real sense, I have never seen the real me. Isn’t that mind-boggling and incredible? The real me is the glorious me, the one hidden with Christ in God. The real me is yet to be revealed. Just as John says in 1 John 3 – “…what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him…” That revealed me will be like Christ! THAT is who I am. THAT is my reality.

That is why Paul urges us in verses 1 and 2 to “set our minds on things above”. Focus on what is real, not on what is no longer real. This is what it means, what it looks like to follow Christ. We look to His life, His righteousness, our eternal life with and in Him…and live out of that reality, that perspective.

Will we fail? Yes. Still struggle with sin and our flesh? Yes.

But those things do not change our reality, our identity. For we are hidden with Christ in God. And that real me will be revealed when Jesus comes again. I can’t wait to see who I am!

Legacy

On my way to work this morning I got a call from my Mom, who does not normally call in the morning. So, I was already curious, but with the tone in her voice I knew it was probably about Grandma.

It was. Mom was letting me know she passed away in her sleep the night before.

I have actually been a little more emotional than I thought I would be. Grandma has been suffering from Alzheimer’s for several years now and in many ways it has felt like we lost her awhile ago. That is a weird and terrible thing about the disease…the body is still around but the person you knew is not. It becomes a strange grieving process…maybe it is delayed or stunted or something, but it is a long time with no closure until they finally pass. So, I feel like maybe I am finally grieving a little bit.

I have learned a lot from Jenny about grief and I know that it is a process and many times we will really be grieving those lost things (and I believe all grieving is over some kind of loss) for our whole lives. I’m not sure how that will look for me, but it will be good to have some time with the family this weekend.

Legacy has been a word running through my head today. I have been constantly drawn back to how blessed I have been to have such a spiritual legacy. On both sides of my family I have grandparents who knew and followed Christ…and are now with Christ (wow, what a thought!). My faith was shaped tremendously by my parents. And their faith was shaped tremendously by theirs. I’m not sure where it started, but God has blessed my family for generations with a desire to know Him. I take that for granted all the time, but it really is one of the greatest blessings I could have. A spiritual legacy.

I honestly don’t remember talking about God much with my Grandma, but there is a moment that really sticks out to me. It is from just a year or two ago. Jenny and I went with my Mom to visit Grandma in the home she’d been in for awhile. It was the first and only time Jenny met her. She was not really able to communicate much at that point and likely did not know who either of us were, but we sat with Grandma and talked to her for awhile.

At one point Grandma started humming…she loved to hum, I remember that even from when I was young. After a few moments Jenny and I caught on and started singing along with her. She was humming a hymn, of course. She loved the hymns. I love that even though she could not remember who I was, how to talk, or a lot of other important things, she still had that music firmly in her mind.

I hope those are the kinds of things that will be coming out of me when I am at the end of my life. I want to continue the legacy God has so graciously blessed me with. Thank you Lula Mae Blake. (and all the rest of you, too)

Repent!

What comes to mind when you hear the word “repent”? I would wager for most people it evokes some strong emotions, dare I say even negative ones. Often times when I hear the word “repent” I immediately feel guilty. There is this sense for me that I’m not doing something right and I better figure out where I fall short and get my act together. It doesn’t compel me to run to Jesus and embrace the gospel but rather a strong need to fix myself and all my many shortcomings.

Not at all what I think John the Baptist and Jesus were trying to communicate in Matt 3 and 4 when they kicked off the Lord’s public ministry declaring “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.” So what do they mean? After spending some time marinating in this passage I have a whole new take on this little word.  Allow me explain.

During the time Jesus would have been speaking it was quite common for a new Caesar to announce his reign by having his heralds travel throughout the countryside proclaiming “Repent, for the kingdom of So and So is at hand,” or something similar. This was a way of saying that a new rule is coming. A call to turn away your allegiance and obedience from the former sovereign to this new kingship.

Looking at this phrase in its proper cultural context puts needed color back into this drab picture and gives us a fresh perspective on what the Lord really desires for us in living a life of repentance. It’s a summons to turn from the things that lead us other than Christ and committing our hearts fully to our Shepherd King. His rule is kind, just, and loving! It’s asking ourselves, “what controls me other than His unconditional love?” It’s about changing our loyalty from the things of this world to the things of His kingdom. “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is hand.” But it’s even so much greater than just that!

In the Greek this word not only communicates modifying our behavior, but also a change in our thinking. One commentator says it like this, to repent means to “Admit a second thought, to correct the errors of the first-an afterthought. Consider your ways, change your minds; you have thought amiss; think again, and think aright.”

As I read that I can’t help but think of the verse in Romans 12…”do not be conformed any longer to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” When our thinking is polluted our actions often reflect our attitude. For example when I don’t believe God is good my prayer life suffers and I respond to circumstances with anger and hopelessness. But when we think rightly about God and the good rule of our righteous King we are guaranteed to bear much fruit in our lives.

Wow, who knew repenting could be so great?! And why is this repentance even possible? Because the kingdom of heaven is at hand! Jesus, the one who makes a way where there seems to be none…He is present, alive and active, giving us sufficient grace every step of the way. He is our Redeemer who began a good work in each of us and will be faithful to complete it. I love repenting!

Our Engagement – Jenny’s Version =)

I met Kenneth Blake Lang on a rainy August morning in Orlando Florida, just days before the second anniversary of my husband’s death. A few of us from the development program I had just started decided we would ride to our meeting together. It was a rough morning for me. Rainy days always triggered deeper sadness. I was dreading being around a bunch of people I didn’t know. I kept waiting for the awkward moment when everyone would find out I was a widow. I avoided any situation that could bring it up and felt as if I was on the verge of tears the entire time. Not the best way to start a friendship…

 But that’s exactly what happened, we became really great friends. None of the ladies in our group liked to watch sports, and of course ESPN is the only channel I know by heart. So inevitably Ken and I would end up watching every game together. He is incredibly social, much like me, so it wasn’t long before it became the two of us gathering everyone for some event. We would joke with Ken that it was him and his harem every time we were all together. Even as more and more frequently people would go home and Ken and I would be left to talk into the later hours of the evening, I never suspected he was developing feelings for me. He was always so friendly and kind to every woman in our circle.

 I should mention here that as this group of compadres was forming and Ken and I were around each other on almost a daily basis, I was experiencing the worst grief and pain of my life. During the first week of September I shared my story from up front at one of our development times so everyone knew about John and where I was in my healing process. I’m not good at hiding my emotions, so Ken was under no delusion of what I was going through. He watched me sob uncontrollably, he watched me have hard days, he watched me wrestle with God. The Lord even sovereignly put us in the same Life Group for the year. This is a group of people from the development program that you meet with every other week to process what God was doing in your life. And let me tell you- process I did!!!

 What is so incredibly amazing to me is that in spite of all the chaos I was in, Ken was still drawn to me. He even says it was my rawness and authenticity that made him want to get to know me. How gospel like for God to take something that felt so ugly and unattractive and use it to for something so sweet: to display the glory of love. He is truly our Redeemer and though it doesn’t feel like it many days, He’s always working it out for good.

 Ok, enough of my ramblings, back to the details. I believe it was sometime mid-November when he dropped the bomb. As I remember it Ken was over watching some game or something and I had actually fallen asleep on the couch at one point while he was sitting there. After I awoke from my little nap he started the conversation with something like- “Hey I want to talk to you about something” Which didn’t seem strange to me because we talked about everything. So I was all ears, and the next thing I know he’s going on about wanting to make sure we were clear on our friendship and that there is no confusion. And I’m thinking…of course I’m clear. Confusion? There’s no confusion. What could I possibly be confused about? And then it hit me. We were having “the talk”.

 In Campus Crusade circles we refer to it as the D.T. R. (translation= Define The Relationship) It’s the season in a male/female relationship where clarity on intentions is vocalized. The funny thing was that I didn’t think it needed any definition at all. I was under the impression we were fine just the way we were. I had never entertained the thought of him being more than just “my friend Ken”. He was my football watching, servant hearted, verbal processing, party planning, fun buddy that I loved spending time with…ok so maybe I should have seen it coming, but as you will see God’s timing is perfect.

 He continued to share his heart with me that night. Finally he asked if I would be willing to go out with him. My answer was priceless. I hesitated for a minute and gave a reluctant “Sure?” Always an encouraging response for a man. He was shocked when I explained how taken aback I was by his romantic interest. He couldn’t believe I didn’t see it coming. He began to back pedal suggesting we should forget we ever had this conversation. I told him that was impossible and asked him if was serious about asking me out. He replied with “Will you go?” I replied with “Are you asking?” Thankfully he held his ground and said yes, he was asking. So as is custom in my book (every guy who asks gets one date) I said yes. We set the rendezvous for the following Tuesday, November 18^th to be exact.

 In my mind I had it all planned out. We would go on “the token one date” as I called it. Then I would tell him I just didn’t see it going anywhere and we’d go back to life as normal. He’d be “my fun friend Ken” and that would be that. Well, to my absolute shock and surprise I had a wonderful time. It was so easy to be together. We had great conversation. It just felt so natural. After our amazing dinner at a really nice restaurant we decided to go shopping. Not your typical first date event, but he needed pants and we were close to the outlets.

 As strange as this may sound, it was waiting for Ken outside the dressing room that God did the most unimaginable thing. It was like the Lord flipped a switch in my heart and all of a sudden I saw Ken in a different way. I had feelings for this person!!! Out of the blue, without warning, sitting there in The Gap, I started to fall for this guy who was supposed to be just my friend. What was happening? This was not the way this evening was supposed to go. Now what was I supposed to do?

 The answer: seek the Lord and do what he says. And His encouragement to me was: “be open”. I didn’t have the right to dictate so quickly how many dates I would or would not go on. God showed me that immediately. And the craziest thing is that as we were apart for the Thanksgiving holidays and my trip to Africa, I found myself missing him. I missed telling him about my day, how my dog Brinks was doing, or verbally processing some random thought I’d had. I couldn’t believe it. Everything was changing.

 As the rest of the story goes, he asked me out again and I said yes. Then he asked if he could say we were dating, and I said yes. Then on May 23rd, 2009 he asked if he could marry me, and I said YES! We were married on October 18th, 2009, exactly 11 months to the day from our first date. God has given us a special story and we are so thankful to share it with you!