Wishing for Karma

“I find myself wishing for karma for them instead of for grace”.

That was a statement my friend made recently as he was asking for prayer regarding a number of frustrations with their landlord, who seemingly blames them for everything and looks for ways to squeeze more money out of them.

Christians generally chafe at the word karma because it connotes eastern religious beliefs. The problem is, most of us actually live as if we believe in karma (at least aside from connections to reincarnation).

While most of us wouldn’t put that word to the feeling, we can all relate to wanting someone to get what we feel they deserve. When someone wrongs us or treats us poorly, we want them to pay for it. We want consequences for their actions. That is really what my friend was saying.

He wanted justice. We all want justice. We want karma in that sense, right?

The problem with justice or karma is we also need to apply it to ourselves.

And rarely do we hold ourselves to the same standard of justice, let alone God’s standard.

We tend to believe God owes us when we are doing things “His way”, feeling like life should look a certain way (our way) if we are being obedient. And generally we feel like we are doing just that as long as we are reading our Bible and avoiding the “major” sins.

I know that is how I treat God, anyway.

The problem is our righteousness is like filthy rags before God (Isaiah). We fail to see the selfishness, pride, and idolatry in our own hearts. Next to a holy God we deserve nothing but destruction and separation from him.

If all we have is karma (or justice) that is what we can expect. Punishment. Separation. Consequences.

Thankfully Jesus experienced that for us.

Thankfully, we can experience grace and not karma, not what we deserve.

That is why my friend knew he should desire grace for his landlord, not karma. Because he himself receives grace from God and it is God who is to judge.

It just got me thinking about how I should experience karma in that way, but I do not because of Christ. And while it is right to desire justice, we should also desire people to know and experience that they do not have to live under karma…because there is no hope aside from grace.

Top 5 Reasons We’re Excited About Moving To Atlanta

We’ve had mostly posts on weighty topics in the last few months since we’ve dealt with some weighty situations and questions.  But we wanted to write about something lighter, something we’re looking forward to…moving to Atlanta next month!

You may be asking why anyone would choose to move a week before Christmas…or maybe you  just wonder why anyone would move north from Florida at this time of the year (ok, we’ll give you that…evidence we’re probably crazy).  Let’s just say it made the most sense with our jobs.

Timing aside, we’re both tremendously excited about our move.  We’ll miss our friends and favorite haunts here, of course (can a restaurant move with you? — we’ll bring The Ravenous Pig.  But that is not the focus here.  Why we’re looking forward to moving is.  So, here they are:

1. Family
   Part of our decision to move from Orlando was the desire to be closer to family as we seek to have children.  With all of Jenny’s immediate family in the area surrounding Atlanta we can’t wait to get more time with them.  We have each been slightly jealous of our siblings close to home as they get together for birthdays, holidays, Tuesdays…now we’ll be able to join in more easily on the Rennie side of things.  And it certainly won’t hurt to have help with kids when that day comes.   
2. Our New Roles
   This was the biggest driver in pursuing a change.  We’ve benefitted greatly from our time at CCC (now Cru Global) headquarters and will definitely miss many things about life here, but it is time to move on.  We each feel too far removed from the ministry field and in jobs that aren’t quite the right fit. 
   Jenny will continue to do similar things in her new role, but gets to work more directly with teams and students to help graduates transition well…not just surviving in their faith, but making an impact for Jesus in their post college environments.
   Ken will continue in an HR role as the Chief of Staff for that team in the Regional Office and will also get to spend half his time helping send and serve our staff serving internationally.  Since his passion is for all tongues, tribes and nations to encounter Jesus, this will be a very motivating part of his new position.
3. Living Missionally in a New Community
   We are choosing to move into an apartment downtown for a number of reasons, but underlying most of them is the desire to get more deeply involved in the community and lives of others.  We want to walk through life with those around us and this apartment provides fantastic opportunities for that.
   Relationships are already thriving in the complex thanks to a CARES team working to build community among the residents through various fun events and intentional connection times.  We can’t wait to jump into that!
   The location also enables a variety of friendships to be formed as there are young professionals, families, and students there (Georgia Tech and Georgia State are nearby).  And we will have abundant avenues to serve the poor, which is a growing desire, but an area we certainly need to develop.   
4. Cultural Opportunities
   Orlando is a city, yes.  And there are plenty of entertainment options, yes.  It even has culture…that culture just wears mouse ears and whale tail necklaces.  It is just a tourist town and there seems to be a dearth of cultural options at times.  We are looking forward to Atlanta’s diversity, many great restaurants, sporting events and performing arts venues.  Ken can hardly wait to live in a city with a Major League Baseball team…and go to his first Georgia football game…go Dawgs!
5. Real Grass
   Our yard here is what one might refer to as “crabgrass” up north…only tougher and heartier.  It needs to be in order to survive the sandy soil and high temperatures.  However, it is not a turf enjoyable to walk through barefoot.  It won’t be like in Illinois, where the dirt looks like coffee grounds instead of crushed bricks, but it will be a step in the right direction.
   Ok, that’s probably not reason #5, but Ken had to throw it in there…seriously, have you seen the grass down here in Florida?
   The real #5 is the friends we already have in Atlanta.  While there are many sad goodbyes in the coming weeks we’ll also be moving closer to a number of people we care about.  Doesn’t it stink that you can’t have everyone you care about in close proximity all the time?  Perhaps that is just an extrovert talking, but it would be a dream to me!

If you haven’t visited us in Orlando, sorry, the window is shrinking.  But come visit us in Atlanta!

It Depends on the Author

I’ve been watching the baseball playoffs a lot lately, as you may imagine since my Cardinals are amazingly still standing (hoping I can say that after tonight, too!).  It has been an intense ride.  After each game I realize how progressively mangled my fingernails have become over the weeks.  Sometimes it’s hard to watch as the team implodes and lets a win slip away.  Other times I’ve been able to rejoice over a well fought victory.  But whatever the outcome I’m usually on the edge of my seat.  It’s exhausting.

Maybe the most frustrating thing about being a sports fan is not being in control of how your team does or the outcome of the game…conspiracy theories aside.  It may also be what makes following sports so exhilarating.  You never know what will happen.  Or what the next amazing thing will be that you couldn’t have guessed.  There is a lot of heartache, to be sure (especially depending on your team!), but there is also the thrill of the miraculous.  It is the unknown possibilities that bring both fear and hope. 

But that isn’t just sports.  It is life.  And I have realized many times over lately how little I can control my life.  Most of the time the illusion of control flows without much challenge.  But we all come face to face with uncontrollable reality at various points. 

Yesterday my browser kept crashing, I couldn’t get the insurance company to call me back, and I still couldn’t get the mower to start.  I could feel the stress mounting in my body…we hate not being able to control our world, our life.

And those were the little things. 

It has been expontentially more difficult to lack control over having children.  That might be the hardest thing about infertility issues…feeling so helpless to bring about what you desire so deeply.  I’ve never felt such a lack of control over my life as I have the last several months.  The illusion has been shattered in a new way.  I cannot create life.  I cannot make it happen.

“All we can really do is create the best environment for a baby to be born.  The rest is up to divine intervention.”

That statement from a doctor we consulted while looking into fertility options says it all.  We are not in control.  God is.  He is the one writing this story. 

Sometimes I forget that.  I forget who is in control.  I forget I am in a larger story.  

I’m reminded of the Will Farrell film Stranger Than Fiction, where his character finds out his life is being dictated by an author (Emma Thompson) writing a novel.  When he discovers she has a beautifully tragic end planned for him, he naturally gets upset and tries to pursuade her to change the plot.  In case you haven’t seen it I won’t reveal what happens, but what strikes me is the plot, the story, the ending…it all depends on the author.

Last year Jenny and I watched the movie, Up, which we really enjoyed.  But the opening few scenes were terribly sad and heart-wrenching.  If you’ve seen it, you’ll know why it was so hard for Jenny and why she cried her way through the first 15 minutes.

She said later that she almost asked if we could leave because it was so hard for her to watch.  The only thing that kept her there was the thought, “No, this is a movie.  And if I know anything about movies it is that they end well.  There must be a redemptive ending.”

We all know that intuitively.  A good story by a good author has a good ending.  There will be redemption.

But for that to happen there must also be pain, tension, and frustration.  A good author knows that redemption means something being redeemed.  And a really good author brings it about in unexpected ways.

I know life is not a movie.  But it is a story.  With an Author.  And I need to remember that this Author is good.

I don’t know what God has in store for us.  And I am tempted by the same thought as Janner in The Wingfeather Saga (which I have really loved), who in the midst of a dark situation thinks about the stories he’s read.  He knows they always turn out alright, but he also knows real life doesn’t always turn out like those books. 

But, we know he’s in a story (brilliantly done!).  So we know it ends well.

The ending of a story all depends on the  author.  And this Author is good.  So we trust and we wait.

Bottom of the Ninth

It has been a tough year for us.  As you may know, we’ve been struggling with infertility for quite awhile, meeting with fertility specialists over the last several months.  We are facing the realization that we may not be able to have biological children.  That in itself is difficult.  What has made it even harder is going through this while in a spiritual desert, not feeling the intimate presence of God as we have in the past.  We know the greater gift is not children,  but God Himself.  Right now it feels like we have neither. 

We know that God often uses pain, suffering, and “shattered dreams” as Larry Crabb puts it, to allow us to experience more of Him.  It just doesn’t happen on our timeline all the time.  So we continue to seek Jesus and ask for His peace, joy, and comfort.  We seek more of our Savior.  We are holding onto hope, but we know there is an enemy who desperately wants us to give up.  He wants us to feel defeated, to think God isn’t there or doesn’t care.  He wants us to despair and see hope as pointless.  So, we must fight.  We fight to remain hopeful, not just for children, but that God will turn our mourning into dancing and we would experience more of His depths.

And amazingly God brings us reminders not to lose hope in many places in our world.  If we are not paying attention we can miss these opportunities in everyday life to connect with God’s heart.  That’s really the purpose behind everything we experience.  To see more of God.  The sports world provides plenty of those windows and last week was an incredible picture to me of hope when hope seemed gone.

I’m a baseball fan.  I enjoy all sports, but baseball is the one for me.  My first love, if you will.  One of the most beautiful things about baseball to me is that until the final out there is always hope…no matter the deficit, if you keep getting hits anything can happen.  So, you can imagine that last Wednesday night was one of the most enjoyable to this point in my life (not just as a Cardinals fan…sorry Braves…but as a fan of baseball in general, too).  

In case you don’t follow baseball, on the final day of the season there were two teams tied in each league for the final playoff spot (Braves & Cards in NL, Red Sox & Rays in AL).  At the beginning of the month the Braves and Red Sox led by 8 1/2 and 9 games, respectively.  No teams in the history of baseball had ever come back to make the playoffs after being behind that many games with that little time.  In so many words, it was an almost impossible task for the Rays and Cardinals.  Almost. 

Then over the course of the last three weeks they caught fire while the Sox and Braves slumped (this of course is not a story of hope from their points of view).  Finally it came down to the last day to see who would be in or out.  What drama!

The Cardinals took care of their part easily but had to wait for the Braves-Phillies game to end to learn their fate.  Atlanta led 3-1 late and had the best bullpen in the majors ready to close things down.  Not the best odds for STL.  But the Braves struggled once again and with the score 3-2 in the bottom of the ninth, their dominant closer gave up the tying run.  Four innings later the Phillies scored again and the Cardinals were in the playoffs.  They had been dead just one month earlier.  Now they had pulled off a comeback from the most games in baseball history.  That record did not stand long…

The Tampa Bay Rays, with a .1% chance of making the playoffs in early Sept, had fought back from 9 games down to tie going into the last day, but after falling behind the powerful Yankees 7-0 early things did not look promising, especially seeing on the scoreboard that Boston was up 3-2 toward the end of the other game.  By the time the last half of the eighth inning began with the Rays still down 7-0 many fans had left the ballpark.  By the end of that inning the lead had been cut to 1, 7-6.  Hope rekindled.

After a couple quick outs in the bottom of the ninth, the Rays brought in a seldom used hitter with little success this year.  Literally there were pitchers with better batting numbers this season.  Not a great recipe for hope.  But with two strikes he drilled a homerun down the line to tie up the game. Unbelievable!  So the game went to extra innings.

Meanwhile, in Baltimore, the Orioles were down to their final out, still losing 3-2 with the Red Sox intimidating closer overpowering the first two hitters.  Then, a double.  And another…with two strikes. Game tied.  Finally, a line drive just out of reach of the left fielder and the Orioles won.  The Red Sox were in disbelief, but turned their attention to Tampa to see if they would have another chance the next day.

Three minutes later they found out as the Rays hit another homerun with two strikes in the twelveth inning.  They came back from 7 runs back, down to their final strike, and did it!  From 9 games back in less than a month and little hope of making up the ground…on the season or in the game. 

The bottom of the ninth in three games decided the outcome of two teams coming back from incredible odds…previously insurmoutable odds in the 140+ years of baseball.  Things did not look good for them on September 1st.  Or with two outs in the bottom of the ninth.  But there was still a final out.  There was still hope.  They did not give up hope.  They fought.  They held on.

I love that.  It doesn’t mean that always happens.  That is certainly not the case.  But it reminds me to hope.  And to fight the lies of the enemy that tell me to give up.  Because we fight a much more important battle.  And we have a God of hope, as Paul says in Romans 15.  He is a good God, who longs to give good gifts to His children.  We don’t always know what is good or best for us, or what He has planned, but we can trust that our Father loves us and desires us to experience Him.  God has promised that when we seek Him we will find Him.  It just may not look how we expect.

Lately it has felt like the bottom of the ninth.  We’re down a few runs and it hasn’t looked good.  But the last out has not been recorded.  So we hope and we fight.  We will not give up.  We trust God will show up.  He is the God of hope.

Last week just reminded me of that in a small way.  I think that is one reason we love sports.  At least it is one reason I do.

In Memory of John Harvey Spracklin

For most of us, today is simply Labor Day.  For some of us, however, it is primarily the 5th anniversary of John Spracklin’s death.  It was a day that would radically change Jenny’s life…and little could I know, would also change mine.

It may be strange to say “in memory of” considering I never met John, never had a chance to talk with him.  I met Jenny Spracklin nearly 2 years after he passed away.  Yet it feels like I knew him well.  Maybe that is not surprising since her life is so entwined with his.  It’s as if if part of John is woven into all that she is.  Sometimes I wonder what Jenny was like before John because I know how tremendously he impacted her.  She says it often, “He changed my life”.

Now my life is meshed with Jenny’s and I can say the same thing.  He has changed my life.  Not just in the obvious ways either, although we’ve talked about it before…it is a difficult and ironic thought (and an altogether beautiful picture of the gospel) that her greatest tragedy brought about my greatest blessing. 

It is much more than that.  Is it the power of one changed life changing another.  God used John’s steadfast love to show Jenny His own love for her.  If you know their story at all, you’ll know of his constant pursuit for two years, even as she repeatedly “freaked out” and broke up with him.  John had faith that if he loved Jenny well, she would eventually respond to that love.  And she did. 

I love the story she tells of being two hours into a twelve hour trip to a wedding only to realize she had left her bridesmaid’s dress at home.  She burst into tears as John simply responded, “That just means I get more time in the car with you!”  He delighted in her and served her endlessly.  And that opened her eyes in a new way to the steadfast love of her Savior.

People have often asked if it is hard for me that Jenny was married before.  And I can honestly say that it hasn’t.  Even for a minute.  Why?  The only answer I can give is that it is God’s grace.  But His grace shows up in her love.  The reason it is not hard for me is that I don’t doubt her love for me.  When you know you are loved, there is no need to compare yourself to another.  And I know Jenny loves me.  Jenny loves John, too.  I know she always will.  And that she will grieve his death for the rest of her life.  Now it is my privilege to enter into that with her. 

Here is the John I know:  He grew up in the jungles of Bolivia and Colombia as a Wycliffe “missionary kid”.  He was an introvert who absolutely loved God’s Word, who hated big groups, but had an incredible way of getting to the heart in one-on-one conversations…even with people he just met.  He was horribly sappy and cheesy and Jenny ate it up. (I can relate to that! =)  He loved soccer, felt at home in the outdoors, and wanted to be a church planter in Latin America.  He taught powerfully from the Scriptures, led many to know Jesus, and wept for the homeless man who robbed them.  He was gentle, practical, incredibly driven, and compassionate.  He believed the Lord deeply and pursued Jenny with an amazing faith and love that changed her life.  He was a godly man who followed his God.

I never knew this man, but I miss him dearly.  And I can’t wait to meet him one day.

How Long, Oh Lord?

It feels like our days are filled with medications, doctors appointments, and waiting. I wish I could tell you I walk out of our office visits with my head held high, confident of what God can do on my behalf. Unfortunately that is rarely my first response. I am frustrated with how quickly I turn on God. How my faith in His goodness and faithfulness melts under the heat of circumstances. I often wonder what it means to respond to God in faith. What does it look like to trust Jesus with the deepest desires of your heart – normal, noble desires, like husbands, and babies, and health and jobs and fulfilling relationships….knowing that those may not be God’s good and perfect plans for you right now….or maybe ever. What does the gospel look like and feel like in these moments? How does my Bible-believing faith translate into the language of life?

I decided I have a few options on how to play this out. One, I could act like it doesn’t matter all that much, that if God doesn’t show up some how in all of this, it’s really no big deal because having biological children is overrated. I could push all my emotions, questions, desires, etc. down deep somewhere and hope it all just goes away, slap a smile on my face and call it good….and in the process kill my heart and learn to live for less. Then there’s option number two. I could throw myself into a good book, a worthy project, work, vacation, and see if any of those things actually bring life and make me feel better. They will for a time, to be sure, but eventually the luster wears off and it’s all just soul numbing activity.

But there is a third option that doesn’t always feel good, but it’s my best bet by far. I could live in a place of vulnerability before the Lord and before others. A place that is desperate for God’s Spirit to bear His fruit in my life in the midst of struggle and heartache. A place that has more questions than answers, but chooses to live completely present in the tension. A place that means giving up my hopes and dreams in exchange for what He deems best. To believe that Jesus really does give abundant life though I hear the lies that speak to the contrary. To know, but by His grace ALONE, I choose to fight the good fight because He ALONE is worth it.

Maybe this is what it means to walk by faith and not by sight? I don’t know, but what I do know is that, no matter what, Jesus loves me and nothing can change that.

Resource of the Month (July) – Missional Meals

I am absolutely in love with this article I recently came across! Not because it’s incredibly profound or earth shattering, or because I’m Italian and LOVE to chow down, but because it’s wonderfully practical and teaches us to build a life of mission around things we already do….like eat! So check it out….and as the old Italian proverb goes: Chi mangia bene, vive bene!

(see the bonus recipe below for Spicy Penne as served in Jenny’s parent’s restaurant!)

http://theresurgence.com/2011/06/18/missional-meals

Bonus Recipe – Spicy Penne
(serves 12 hungry people)

1 TBS olive oil
3 cloves of garlic, minced (1 1/2 TBS if you buy the already chopped kind – you can do 2 TBS if you’re feeling lucky: )
2-3 tsps of red pepper flakes
1 medium onion, chopped
1 1/2 lbs of sweet or mild Italian sausage*
2 TBS of flour
1 14oz can of crushed tomatoes
1 14oz can of diced tomatoes
1 pint heavy whipping cream*
1 lb of penne or rigitoni pasta (or any pasta you might prefer)

* – For the health conscious, fat free half & half and/or turkey sausage…still great!

Heat oil in the pan on high. Turn down to med heat and add garlic and red pepper flakes, cook
for 2-3 mins or until you notice the garlic turning a nice golden color (don’t let it get too brown)
Add chopped onions, sautee for 7-10 mins.

Take each of the sausage links and with a knife cut off the thin casing around the sausage. When you finish, add them to the pan and cook until no longer pink. Be sure to use your spoon or spatula to break up the sausage into bite sized pieces while it’s cooking. When the sausage is fully cooked, add the 2 TBS of flour and stir until combined, about 2 mins.

Next add both cans of tomatoes, stir to combine and simmer for 5 mins. Finally add the cream and cook for another 5 mins. Salt and pepper to taste.  
Serve over your pasta with bread and salad.
ENJOY!

Resource of the Month (June) – Daily Audio Bible

If I had a dollar for every time I had a conversation with someone about how busy we are, I seriously might consider retiring early.  Let’s face it, we all have a lot on our plates and unfortunately sometimes the first thing that gets punted from our schedule when we’re feeling overloaded is God.  We must fight that constant pull!  It’s important to be intentional about spending time with the Lord.  Here is one of the things that helps bring more of the Bible into our daily schedule:

DAILY AUDIO BIBLE   (dailyaudiobible.com)   

 

 

This is a ministry that reads the Bible to you daily (hence the very profound name) on a “read the Bible in a year” plan.  A little from the Old Testament, New Testament, Psalms, and Proverbs each day – 15-20 minutes total.  It won’t be long before you can’t imagine a day without Brian and his melodious voice speaking God’s truth.  Seriously, it’s addictive!  There is also a NT version for kids read by kids for those of you with little ones.  It even has a handy app you can download for your smart phone! 

This has been great for us as we shower and dress for work in the mornings…just plug the phone into some speakers and the Scriptures can play while you get ready.  Check it out!

(Available in Spanish, Japanese, and Hindi for those who are not native English speakers!)

Growing Through Infertility

(This is from our March Prayer Letter. Blue text is the addition for the blog)

Each month we like to keep you updated on what’s been happening in ministry, but every so often it’s good to just stop and share some personal things that are going on with us.

It’s hard to believe that we have been married for a year and a half already. And as people often do after they’ve been married for a time, you start thinking about having a family. We always knew that wouldn’t be easy for us.

I think right after we got engaged Ken shared with you some of my story. I was married once before to a wonderful man named John. We struggled through years of infertility and were actually in the process of adopting a baby from Guatemala when John died suddenly. I can look back now and see God’s sovereign goodness in the unfolding of His plan, but as you can imagine, infertility is a very painful thing.

So it’s hard to believe I’m crossing that same bridge again, but this time with such different scenery and landmarks, new faces and names. That in and of itself has its own unique set of challenges. But for the most part, the well known path of barrenness remains quite the same. Only now I feel better equipped to make this journey a second time and hopeful for what God might do.

One of the richest blessings during all of this has been the realization of how much I’ve grown since the last time I struggled with infertility. I thought that if God never gave me children I would be incomplete, somehow lacking in life. I believed I wouldn’t be happy unless God gave me what I wanted. Thankfully my heart has changed so much over the years. I can see now how having a family had become an idol for me. And no matter how good, right and beautiful our desires are, if they compete with God for our heart’s affections and joy, then they are certainly misplaced.  

But I think the sweetest part of it all is this fuller understanding I have of God’s steadfast, gracious love. That maturity is a process, and as humbling as it is to look back and see all the ways I could have handled things better years ago, God never expected me to run when I was just barely learning to crawl. The unconditional love we have in Christ means God loves us as we are, not as we ourselves hope to be. That is the beauty and power of the gospel!

I am so grateful for this season of redemption. That God would give me a second chance to trust Him and see the gift of a family for what it truly is…a gift! Not a right, not something I deserve, not anything that will complete me, but a precious gift that comes from above. And I do hope that in the years to come, when our family is full and our children are with us, I can look back at this time now and see the countless ways God has transformed me from glory to glory (2 Cor 3:18)! Lord, how wonderful is your steadfast love….we are so grateful it endures forever (Psalm 107:1)

As Ken and I have prayed and looked at our options we’ve decided to do some infertility treatments that will increase my ability to have children before we move toward adoption.

We’ve now been at this for months, with tests and surgeries and so on. It’s been a lot more difficult and time consuming than we ever imagined. It seems every time we see a doctor theygive us more hard news. But we know that no matter how great our doctor is, it’s still God who creates life. We still believe this is what God has for us, but we are growing weary in the fight. That is why we’re asking you to pray! We need others trusting God along with us.

Please pray:

 

*That God would grant us the gift of biological children

*Patience in God’s timing and plan

*Deeper intimacy and trust in Christ through the process

*Strength and health for Jenny as she undergoes treatments

Thank you so much for lifting us up before our Father!

“How Do I Discern God’s Will?” – Ken’s talk in Thailand

(This is a talk Ken gave in late January to a group of Interns serving with CCC in Asian countries–adapted here from my notes)

It brings back a lot of memories to be here with you this week. While I haven’t been to Cha’am or anywhere in Thailand before, I was an Intern in Germany 10 years ago and loved the mid-year conference we had in Spain. We were also right on the beach and there were mountains close by. Close enough, in fact, that I went for a hike on my free afternoon while most people went to Grenada…and got lost on my way back, coming down the wrong side of the ridge. I eventually found the highway and made it back to the hotel, but it was well after dark by then and no one knew where I was. Not a smart idea to wander off by yourself in a foreign country, especially before cell phones were everywhere. So, be careful out here! Stick to the beach.

Beside all that, though, I remember it was a refreshing time. Sure, I may have been checking out what girls were on other teams, but I was also starting to think about what I would do when my year was finished. Would I come back? Did I want to go to grad school? Seminary? Join staff? There were a lot of options and I didn’t know what to do. I’m guessing many of you are in this same boat. Asking the question, “What is God’s will for my life?”

(Before I get too far, I want you to know I am speaking as much to myself as to you this morning. Let’s hope it doesn’t end up like me JUST talking to myself or it could be awkward for everyone, but what I mean is this is something Jenny and I still wrestle with too. It is something we are constantly wrestling with).

This is a question we should be asking. As followers of Christ, as disciples, we need to be concerned with this. It is at the heart of a surrendered life, of Lordship, of Jesus as our King. We are called to submit ourselves to God and His plan for our lives…which leads obviously to the question, “what is God’s will and plan for my life?”

It is likely that you have heard a number of talks on “discerning God’s will”, especially if you have been around Campus Crusade for awhile. You may have even given some. It is a seminar that always seems to be full at conferences. Frankly, who isn’t interested in this topic?!

My guess is that, for the most part, you have a pretty good idea how to discern God’s will. I think we already know some principles, like:
-being in line with God’s Word
-seeking godly counsel
-listening to the Spirit
-weighing things in light of our gifts, passions, skills

So, I’m not going to talk about those. If you want to read more about that, there is a great article here.

Maybe you’re thinking, “Wow, that was a short, pointless talk. At least we’ll have lunch sooner”.

You might also be thinking, “Then why does it seem so hard to discern God’s will?!”

That is the part I want to focus on. Because it does feel hard. Why?

The simplest answer is that it requires faith. And our flesh doesn’t like that. We walk by faith, not by sight (2 Cor 5:7). Discerning God’s will is about faith. The reaction of my flesh is fear. This is where we need to apply the gospel to making decisions, to seeking God’s will.

Fear vs. Faith
The greatest struggle I have with discerning God’s will is FEAR. I’m guessing that many of you struggle with the same thing. There is one who doesn’t want us to trust God, to walk by faith. Satan wants us to doubt God, wants us to fear. His desire is to take our focus away from God’s character as trustworthy and toward fear. Here are the most common ways it shows up for me:

1. I fear I will miss God’s will and therefore His blessing.
At the root of this fear is that I think God will only bless me if I make all the right choices. Sometimes we can feel like God won’t ever be with us or bless us again if we choose A instead of B. It sounds pretty absurd when I put it that way, but that is how it can feel. There may be times where we are obviously choosing against God’s will, but we usually know when that’s the case. Just a quick look at Jonah should remind us that even then God offers opportunity for repentance, a chance to trust Him and enjoy His blessing. More often we are faced with less obvious options and think “behind one of these doors lies God’s blessing and behind the rest lie…well, certainly less than that.”

We walk in the Spirit.
How is this different than what we experience every day? Consider how we do with the “minor” decisions we make throughout the day. We are continually making choices – and constantly choosing things that are not God’s will (pick a sin–thinking of ourselves instead of serving others, not speaking hard truth, avoiding opportunities to share the gospel…and on and on). If we expect God to bless us only when we make all the right decisions, we should never expect His blessing!

But God is gracious! We never earn His blessing, but He chooses to bless us out of His love for us. It is only in His grace to us, through Christ, that we experience intimacy with Him.

So, what do we do with this regarding decision making? The same thing we teach our students… 

To walk in the Spirit. We live in moment by moment repentance and dependence on the Spirit. We practice “spiritual breathing“. Even though this is one of the fundamental things we teach we can forget that it applies to our decision making, too. At least I can.

2. I fear I am not spiritual enough to discern His will.
A few years ago at a conference like this one, the speaker was talking about God’s will. At one point he asked all of us a very pointed question, “If you absolutely knew God’s will for your life, would you do it?”

The obvious answer was, “Of course!” But the speaker held up his Bible and boomed, “You’d say ‘Of course I would’, but this book is full of God’s revealed will…what do you do with what you know?!”

A powerfully convicting question, to be sure. And I know what the speaker was getting at. But something else happened in me and maybe it was the same for you as you listened to that. A fear rose in me. The fear was that if I can’t live out what God has clearly commanded in Scripture, what makes me think I can discern His will when it is not clear. That fear was that I was not spiritual enough.

And I’m not.

But Christ is! I am not righteous in my flesh, but Christ has become my righteousness. Paul says in 1 Cor 1:30 that God made Christ Jesus to be our righteousness. Our confidence is not in ourselves, but in the life we have in Christ. This is the heart of the gospel and the answer to our fears of our own deficiency. It is Christ’s sufficiency that we plead before God. We now “have the mind of Christ” (1 C0r 2:16)!

3. I fear He will  be disappointed in me if I don’t get it “right”.
This is related to the first two, but for me strikes at one of my core struggles. This is really a battle over God’s character and how He sees me. And Satan distorts my view of God as one who delights to know me and be with me, replacing Him instead as one who is waiting for me to finally “get it right”.

The decision is not what God is concerned about. Knowing Him is.
As we seek God’s direction, the subtle temptation is to think that it is the decision that God most cares about. Satan wants us to think God’s main concern is that we “get it right” and do things His way. But what God really wants is for us to know Him, trust Him, and delight in Him. The real treasure in seeking God for direction is seeking God Himself, not the decision itself. We can get so lost in what the “right choice” is that we entirely miss that our real blessing is Christ Himself!

This is what John describes in his first epistle. He says: “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment…” (1 John 4:18).

John instructs his readers that “God is love” and to “abide in love”. And then reminds them that this love leaves no reason to fear. The more we experience God as He truly is, as Love, fear will vanish. There is no punishment for those in Christ. There is only love. God’s love is perfect. He is not disappointed in us, He delights in us!  

So, as we seek God’s will and direction, that is the lens we use. His love. We must seek to abide with Him, not make all the right decisions.

This was my experience a few summers ago as I was preparing to head back to Germany. I had felt God leading me to take a step of faith a few months earlier, but during our summer cross-cultural training I began to experience hesitance about going. As my coach explored that with me I began to notice that I was more worried about whether or not I was making the right decision than in enjoying God.

Soon, I turned my focus away from the decision and experienced an intimacy with Christ that I had not in a long time. His delight in me, regardless of where or how I served Him, became incredibly real to me. The fear was gone. And in the midst of that I was confident God was not leading me to go.

Around the same time, I heard of a development program at our headquarters and knew that was exactly what I needed to do. I cannot explain it, but I just knew. I was more confident of this than maybe any other time in my life. 

It was a few weeks later I met Jenny, my beautiful wife!

4. I fear He will lead me into something difficult.
There is one other area we can often fear when making decisions. It again is a distortion of God’s character. But as with the serpent in the garden, there is an element of truth that makes the lie that much harder to reject.

Many of us fear that God will lead us into something difficult. And surely a number of you feel like that describes your year pretty well so far. As much as I am thankful for my year in Germany, it was probably the toughest year of my life for a number of reasons. And God led us to these places.

The simple truth is, God’s will is not necessarily toward something easy.

Many refining things in our lives are not. If you hope to be married one day…marriage is not always easy. Shoot, intimacy in any relationship is not easy. Growing more like Christ comes with some pain. To put sin to death in our flesh will hurt. And God will lead us into many difficult things.

But as we are tempted to doubt God’s character we need only look to the cross to remember that Jesus, too, has suffered much following the will of the Father. Jesus went willingly into the most difficult situation of all. It was not easy, but it was best.

And it is a reminder that God has our best in mind. Paul put it this way in Romans 8:

“He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?”

 

We can trust God’s character. That is how we can make decisions in faith. 

What about you?
Do you notice any of these fears as you seek God’s leading in your life? Where do you need to apply the gospel?

Who are others (on your team or not) who can process those things with you?