Growing Through Infertility

(This is from our March Prayer Letter. Blue text is the addition for the blog)

Each month we like to keep you updated on what’s been happening in ministry, but every so often it’s good to just stop and share some personal things that are going on with us.

It’s hard to believe that we have been married for a year and a half already. And as people often do after they’ve been married for a time, you start thinking about having a family. We always knew that wouldn’t be easy for us.

I think right after we got engaged Ken shared with you some of my story. I was married once before to a wonderful man named John. We struggled through years of infertility and were actually in the process of adopting a baby from Guatemala when John died suddenly. I can look back now and see God’s sovereign goodness in the unfolding of His plan, but as you can imagine, infertility is a very painful thing.

So it’s hard to believe I’m crossing that same bridge again, but this time with such different scenery and landmarks, new faces and names. That in and of itself has its own unique set of challenges. But for the most part, the well known path of barrenness remains quite the same. Only now I feel better equipped to make this journey a second time and hopeful for what God might do.

One of the richest blessings during all of this has been the realization of how much I’ve grown since the last time I struggled with infertility. I thought that if God never gave me children I would be incomplete, somehow lacking in life. I believed I wouldn’t be happy unless God gave me what I wanted. Thankfully my heart has changed so much over the years. I can see now how having a family had become an idol for me. And no matter how good, right and beautiful our desires are, if they compete with God for our heart’s affections and joy, then they are certainly misplaced.  

But I think the sweetest part of it all is this fuller understanding I have of God’s steadfast, gracious love. That maturity is a process, and as humbling as it is to look back and see all the ways I could have handled things better years ago, God never expected me to run when I was just barely learning to crawl. The unconditional love we have in Christ means God loves us as we are, not as we ourselves hope to be. That is the beauty and power of the gospel!

I am so grateful for this season of redemption. That God would give me a second chance to trust Him and see the gift of a family for what it truly is…a gift! Not a right, not something I deserve, not anything that will complete me, but a precious gift that comes from above. And I do hope that in the years to come, when our family is full and our children are with us, I can look back at this time now and see the countless ways God has transformed me from glory to glory (2 Cor 3:18)! Lord, how wonderful is your steadfast love….we are so grateful it endures forever (Psalm 107:1)

As Ken and I have prayed and looked at our options we’ve decided to do some infertility treatments that will increase my ability to have children before we move toward adoption.

We’ve now been at this for months, with tests and surgeries and so on. It’s been a lot more difficult and time consuming than we ever imagined. It seems every time we see a doctor theygive us more hard news. But we know that no matter how great our doctor is, it’s still God who creates life. We still believe this is what God has for us, but we are growing weary in the fight. That is why we’re asking you to pray! We need others trusting God along with us.

Please pray:

 

*That God would grant us the gift of biological children

*Patience in God’s timing and plan

*Deeper intimacy and trust in Christ through the process

*Strength and health for Jenny as she undergoes treatments

Thank you so much for lifting us up before our Father!